My Heart Isn’t In It

As December draws closer and closer, I find myself becoming more and more nonchalant or unconcerned about a lot of things. I’m trying my best to prepare myself mentally, physically and emotionally for the one year anniversary of my father’s passing.

I was due to do a few literary magazine interviews this month, but I couldn’t. My heart wasn’t in it. Thankfully, the editors were willing to wait until the first of next year. I know I can’t push it back any more after that. This makes the second time. ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿพ

There are times where everything around me is silent and there are times where mentally, my mind goes off into something else. Thoughts on how I’m going to deal with that day, a day that marks a year when my father passed away peacefully in his sleep. ๐Ÿ’” To say I’m feeling numb would be an understatement.

The wonderful men in my life (who I know mean well) think that giving me expensive gifts will ease my pain. Those gifts do nothing for me because they won’t bring my father back. I am however appreciative of the thought and grateful because that’s their way of showing me that they care for me and love me. ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿพโค๏ธ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿพ

The only thing that keeps me going as that day gets closer is my belief in the Resurrection. Until then, I just have to keep going because that is what my father would want me to do. I WON’T break, although there are times where I want to…

My dear Ni’nah (father) this one is hard…๐Ÿ˜”

Until next time…

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